Improved Improved Banana Chopplespork

This is my attempt at programming a solution to the well-known zenix banana orientation problem (positio musa acuminata problema zeniximus), which suggests that positional variation in the set of all bananas (including, but not limited to both right- *and* left-handed) is sufficiently complex such that no single banana cutter shall be adequate to cut them.

Unfortunately, my attempt (while still serving as an improvement on the original) was unsuccessful, in that introduced a new problem of